We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

A new/old word

2 Chron 28:1 "Ahaz was twenty years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem sixteen years. Unlike David his father, he did not do what was right in the eyes of the LORD." The remainder of chapter 28 goes on to tell you of all the evil that King Ahaz walks out in his life. The last verse of chapter 28 tells us "Ahaz rested with his fathers and was buried in the city of Jerusalem, but he was not placed in the tombs of the kings of Israel. And Hezekiah his son succeeded him as king." Chapter 29:1 "Hezekiah was twenty-five years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem twenty-nine years. His mother's name was Abijah daughter of Zechariah. He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, just as his father David had done." You know the phrase, "like father, like son." We expect chapter 29 to show us that Hezekiah carried on the traditions of his father. But, we quickly discover that, instead, Hezekiah reinstates the traditions of his Father.

I sat and listened to this message yesterday at church. Tears were streaming down my face. Our children are not destined to do what their parents do. They do not automatically pick up where our dysfunction leaves off. They are destined to follow God and what He would have them do.

To all the mothers out there: Hezekiah's mother is named in this account. This is very rare for a king's lineage. I believe this to mean that she taught Hezekiah the Lord's ways. Clearly he wasn't learning it from his father who had stolen from the church and boarded up the doors. Moms, our influence is great in our children's lives. So is the world's. But, God's influence is biggest. If our children are looking to the Lord, the dysfunction can be broken, regardless of the "sins of the father".

Esther

I started a new bible study last night. We are doing Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore. I have been wanting to do this study ever since Beth announced that she was writing it. I even thought about doing it through a different church since our church wasn't planning on doing it last year. But, life happens. And I didn't get around to it.

Last night as I sat and listened to the introductory video I marveled at God's timing. You see, had I been listening to her words last year, I am confident I would have been unable to complete this bible study. I would have been sitting on that couch in a puddle. I think I would have melted under the pressure of what I was hearing. Now, do not misunderstand- Beth in no way pressures her participants. It was all me. It is just a picture of where I was emotionally.

And as I have had some time to reflect on God's grace, it has become clear to me that last year was the wrong time to do this study. No matter how good the material, the timing would have made it all wrong for me. Last year I was in a very fragile place. And I didn't really know why. The Spirit was speaking to my soul that some very dangerous things were present. But, I didn't understand it. Nor did I even know that's what was being spoken. I just felt a discontent. I felt insecure and unsure of just about everything. I felt like I was teetering on a ledge while blindfolded. Needless to say, I knew it was time for change. If I only knew what needed to change...

Over the past year, the Lord has been revealing to me, little by little. He has been so gentle and loving in His peeling back. He knows me better than I know myself and He knows the best way and the best time to bring things into focus. I haven't broken. I haven't melted into that afore-mentioned puddle. With each revelation, I gain peace and strength.

I am so excited to see what Esther will teach me over the next 10 weeks. But, more than anything, I am so incredibly grateful to belong to a God who will pursue me exactly as I need to be pursued. A God who loves me so much that He will not allow me to live a life less than He created me to be.

Help me, Jesus, Help, Help Me Jesus...

Just when I think I can not become more angry...then I do.

I have given this anger to the Lord each day. And the next day, another opportunity to do it again rears it's even uglier head. I am getting tired and I feel my resolve slipping.

In an effort to keep my head in the right place...some good reminders.

Exodus 15:7
In the greatness of your majesty you threw down those who opposed you. You unleashed your burning anger; it consumed them like stubble.

Exodus 32:9-10
"I have seen these people," the LORD said to Moses, "and they are a stiff-necked people. 10 Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation."

Psalm 4:4
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

And one I am preparing to memorize this week:
Proverbs 11:17
A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.

Please pray for me that the Lord will continue to guide my every step and that I will keep my eyes fixed on Him. The enemy will NOT benefit from this difficult time in my life!

My name is Dareth, and I am intolerant.

Our pastor posed a question to the congregation on Sunday. "What do you think most Americans consider to be the worst problem in our country?" Child abuse? The economy? Crime? The environment? The answer according to an article he read: Intolerance. And the group labeled as the most intolerant? The evangelical Christian.

At first hearing this, I felt my feathers ruffle in defense. But, giving it some thought, I do agree. Not only do I agree, but I think it should be that way. Now, stay with me for a minute. I work very hard not to be a Christian who speaks Christianese and looks down my nose at others. I feel strongly, and fight for, allowing others the freedom to live their lives the best way they can without judgement from those who choose to do it differently. But, the fact of the matter is this: There is right and there is wrong. There are absolutes. To stand for what is right and oppose what is wrong does make me intolerant. And my phlegmatic, peacekeeping personality struggles with that.

There have been some situations arise in my life when I have found myself face to face with this very issue. And I have struggled. I vacillate between standing for what is right, opposing what is wrong and not wanting others to be upset with me for taking an opposing stance. Standing for what is right: I can do that. It's the opposition of wrong- when that wrong is being lived out by someone that I love- that's my struggle. I think we are all familiar with the fact that people don't enjoy being told they are wrong. That's where my personality wants to take over. I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I don't want them to be angry and accusing toward me. "Maybe I don't need to say anything. God will convict them, right?" Right. I am not anyone's Holy Spirit and it is not my job to convict them of their sinful choices.

But, the Lord has been using some situations over the past year to show me that when other's sinful choices directly affect me and my children, I must stand against what is wrong and stand firmly for what is right. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. No matter what the consequences are. Because reality is that I can't stand for right if I do not stand against wrong.

Jesus came to this earth for every one of us. He loves each one perfectly. Yet, he is intolerant of sin. His life on this earth is a reminder to me that I can love someone and still oppose the sin in their lives. Thank you Jesus for showing us the Way through your life and your Word.

waving the proverbial white flag.

In our sunday school class this morning, Pastor Phil had a word. I don't suppose it he mentioned it for me, but it sure felt like it.

I was running late (as usual), but the first thing I remember hearing after getting settled into my seat was this: "It's easy to become a christian. It's difficult to walk out this christian life." Um, Amen.

He went on to remind us that the Lord wants us to surrender to Him. We usually talk about our commitment to the Lord. Committing is negotiable. It is of my choosing. I control when and how it occurs. Surrendering, however, is what I do when I feel I have no other option. It is controlled, not by me, but by an outside force. If someone sticks a gun to my back, I will throw my hands up in surrender because I feel there is no other option.

What keeps us from fully surrendering to the Lord? Unforgiveness, pride, self-reliance? Yes, yes and yes. And a whole list of other things, I imagine.

I left class this morning with a new challenge in my life. I no longer want to be committed to the Lord. I want to be surrendered to Him and to His will for my life. Because He has plans for me. And I am confident that His plan is better than I would even think to ask for.

reading the Bible through: Gen3

I have been challenged in a book to read the Bible cover to cover. The author suggested reading until you find something that speaks to you and stop and spend time meditating on it. I have found it difficult to read along on those programs where you have to read so many chapters each day. I get behind and then I get overwhelmed. So, I decided to try this. I figure even if it takes me multiple years to read through it, it doesn't really matter. It's a life long read anyway.
So, I am currently reading in Genesis 3. I have found so much good stuff in there. I have also been reading all the notes included in my bible for better understanding. Good Stuff!

This is the story of Eve in the Garden of Eden when the serpent has tempted her to eat from the tree that God specifically told them not to. She has eaten from the tree and God is speaking to the serpent. Genesis 3:15 says:
"And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and hers;
he will crush your head,
and you will strike his heel."

I was specifically interested in the second half of that verse. My notes explain that while the serpent (satan) will strike at the heel (a non-deadly wound), he (Jesus) will crush your head (be victorious in this fight). Even when Eve was in direct disobedience to what the Lord had spoken to her, He is still merciful toward her. While she was disciplined (cast out of the garden and pains in childbirth- thanks for that ;), God's love is not withheld.
My disobedience varies. Sometimes I feel pretty certain about what I should do and choose not to- being rebellious. Other times, I am unsure what is being asked of me and I act hastily- being impatient. I think there is no debate that Eve was in direct disobedience. She did not have to rely on discernment from the Holy Spirit, a feeling in her heart or gut or even a sign. She heard the words directly from the mouth of God. She made the wrong choice. As I have so often. The consequence had lasting effects. But the Lord's love for her remained the same.

The lesson for me today is that the Lord's love for me never changes. I can never do anything that would change it. This is not a free pass to make wrong choices, but it is a good reminder that during those times when I need a second (third or twelfth) chance, God's love for me remains. He will only allow the serpent to strike at my heels. And He will fight for me and crush the head of the enemy who seeks to destroy me.
Human love has taught me that if I disappoint one too many times, love is withheld. Those who once fought for me may turn on me and begin to fight at me. God's love is teaching me that I am never unlovable. And that I am always worth fighting for.