Friday, May 31, 2013

Back, with tears.

"Momma, will you lay down with me?"
At nearly 11, I am always nervous that this will be the last time she asks.  Even so, I don't always say yes.  Tonight I did, though.  It's been an emotional day for her.

As I was lying there, noticing her long legs and spindly arms taking up much of the bed (she is quite an octopus in her sleep, and in her preparing to sleep), I was struck by how tiny she was a mere 10 and 1/2 years ago.  All those years ago, her sleep/wake schedule was the one I followed.   She and I did everything together.  We lived farther away from our church community, and were alone many of the days, as Chris worked nights and was often sleeping.  I couldn't hold back the tears. When I had that girl, I thought I was ill equipped about 1 week into the parenting gig.  Mercy is what kept our family together.  Mercy and naps.

Here's the thing.  11 is creeping up on us, and I am terrified.  There is more independence, more responsibility and more opportunities for longer lasting consequences coming our way.  I look at my girl and I question myself as a mom.  I am crippled with insecurity.  Because I know my shortcomings.  That list is long.  And ugly.  I don't like that the Lord will use this time to grow me along with growing her.  I want to be grown and complete- an expert so to speak.  He requires what's best though...Truth, and Grace, and Mercy, and Forgiveness. Patience, Faith, Unconditional Love - all of these are evidence of Him.  It's an adventure, wherever we are headed.


1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post. You walk the parenting a tween line beautifully and with much Grace. She is an amazing girl who is blessed with parents who know this job is bigger than them. It keeps all of you in His hands, the safest place to be during the unsurity of babies growing up. Love you.