Esther

I started a new bible study last night. We are doing Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore. I have been wanting to do this study ever since Beth announced that she was writing it. I even thought about doing it through a different church since our church wasn't planning on doing it last year. But, life happens. And I didn't get around to it.

Last night as I sat and listened to the introductory video I marveled at God's timing. You see, had I been listening to her words last year, I am confident I would have been unable to complete this bible study. I would have been sitting on that couch in a puddle. I think I would have melted under the pressure of what I was hearing. Now, do not misunderstand- Beth in no way pressures her participants. It was all me. It is just a picture of where I was emotionally.

And as I have had some time to reflect on God's grace, it has become clear to me that last year was the wrong time to do this study. No matter how good the material, the timing would have made it all wrong for me. Last year I was in a very fragile place. And I didn't really know why. The Spirit was speaking to my soul that some very dangerous things were present. But, I didn't understand it. Nor did I even know that's what was being spoken. I just felt a discontent. I felt insecure and unsure of just about everything. I felt like I was teetering on a ledge while blindfolded. Needless to say, I knew it was time for change. If I only knew what needed to change...

Over the past year, the Lord has been revealing to me, little by little. He has been so gentle and loving in His peeling back. He knows me better than I know myself and He knows the best way and the best time to bring things into focus. I haven't broken. I haven't melted into that afore-mentioned puddle. With each revelation, I gain peace and strength.

I am so excited to see what Esther will teach me over the next 10 weeks. But, more than anything, I am so incredibly grateful to belong to a God who will pursue me exactly as I need to be pursued. A God who loves me so much that He will not allow me to live a life less than He created me to be.